Obituary vs Eulogy: What’s the Difference — and Which Comes First?
When someone dies, there’s often a quiet pressure to know what needs to be written — and to know it quickly. An obituary. A eulogy. A funeral speech. Sometimes all of them.
Many people worry they should already understand the difference, or that there’s a correct order they’re meant to follow. Others hesitate because the words feel too heavy, too personal, or too final to face straight away.
If you’re feeling unsure, stuck, or overwhelmed by where to begin, you’re not alone. This uncertainty is incredibly common — especially when you’re trying to think clearly while grieving.
This guide is here to gently explain the difference between an obituary and a eulogy, how funeral and memorial speeches fit in, and — just as importantly — to reassure you that there is no single “right” way to do this. You don’t need to write everything at once. You don’t need to have the words figured out yet.
You can take this one step at a time.
Obituary vs Eulogy — What’s the Difference?
At first glance, obituaries and eulogies can look very similar. Both talk about the same person. Both acknowledge a death. Both are written with care and intention.
That’s why so many people quietly wonder whether they’re interchangeable — or worry they’re meant to write one when they should be writing the other.
The truth is, while they often cover some of the same ground, an obituary and a eulogy serve very different purposes. Understanding that difference can take a surprising amount of pressure off.
An obituary is primarily a written notice. It’s usually shared online or in print and helps inform a wider circle that someone has died. It often includes key details such as names, dates, close family members, and information about funeral or memorial arrangements.
Because of this, obituaries tend to be:
More factual and structured
Written in the third person
Intended for people who may not have known the person closely
If you’d like a deeper look at what an obituary is, why it matters, and how it’s structured, see our full guide on obituary meaning and purpose.
A eulogy, on the other hand, is a spoken tribute. It’s usually delivered during a funeral or memorial service and is written with listening — not reading — in mind.
Eulogies are often:
Written in the first person
More personal and reflective
Focused on character, memories, and what the person meant to those who loved them
Put simply, an obituary helps people understand what has happened.
A eulogy helps them feel who has been lost.
Seeing the difference this way can make it easier to approach each piece on its own terms, rather than feeling as though everything has to be captured in one place.
If it helps to see how others have approached this, you may find it useful to view obituary examples by relationship
What a Eulogy is — and What it Isn’t
A eulogy is a spoken tribute, usually shared during a funeral or memorial service. It’s often delivered by someone who knew the person well — a partner, child, sibling, friend, or sometimes a celebrant reading words on behalf of the family.
Unlike an obituary, a eulogy isn’t meant to capture everything. It doesn’t need to list every milestone or explain a whole life from beginning to end.
Instead, a eulogy focuses on who this person was to those who loved them.
It might reflect on their character, the way they showed up for others, small moments that reveal something true about them, or memories that still make people smile. Some eulogies are carefully structured. Others are simple and conversational. Many are a mix of both.
If the idea of writing or speaking a eulogy feels daunting, that’s very common. For many people, this is the first time they’ve been asked to put such personal feelings into words — especially knowing they may be spoken aloud.
It’s worth remembering that a eulogy doesn’t need to be perfect, poetic, or polished. It only needs to be honest. Even a few well-chosen memories, shared sincerely, can mean more than a carefully written speech that doesn’t feel like you.
There is no single right way to write a eulogy — only the way that feels most true to the person you’re remembering.
If you’d like to see how eulogies are written for different relationships, you can view eulogy examples by relationship
What Comes First — the Obituary or the Eulogy?
One of the most common questions people ask — often quietly, sometimes with a sense of urgency — is which piece is meant to come first.
From a practical point of view, the answer is usually the obituary. It often needs to be written sooner so that arrangements can be shared and people can be informed.
But emotionally, that doesn’t always mean it feels easier.
Many people find they can manage the facts before they can face the feelings. Writing dates, names, and details can feel contained, almost protective, at a time when everything else feels uncertain.
A eulogy, on the other hand, asks something different of you. It asks you to reflect, to choose memories, and — for many — to imagine speaking those words aloud. That can feel like a much bigger step, and it’s common to need more time.
It may help to know that there is no expectation to write everything at once, or even in a particular order. Some people write an obituary first and return to the eulogy days or weeks later. Others begin by jotting down memories privately, without any structure, and only shape them into a speech when they feel ready.
There is no rule that says one must immediately follow the other. What matters most is choosing the step that feels manageable right now.
If you’re ready to start writing, our step-by-step guide to writing an obituary covers structure, wording, and examples you can adapt.
Can an Obituary Be Used as a Eulogy?
This is a question many people ask with a mix of hope and concern.
Hope — because it would be easier if one piece of writing could serve more than one purpose.
Concern — because no one wants their words to feel wrong, impersonal, or out of place when spoken aloud.
In practice, parts of an obituary can often be reused or adapted for a eulogy — but they usually need a little reshaping.
Obituaries tend to be written for reading. They often include lists, dates, and formal phrasing that work well on the page but can sound distant when spoken. A eulogy, by contrast, is written for listening. It usually flows more naturally when it sounds like someone talking, rather than reporting.
Many families find it helpful to think of the obituary as a foundation rather than a finished speech. The key details are already there — names, relationships, important moments — and those can provide a steady starting point.
From there, a eulogy often adds:
Personal perspective (“I” rather than “they”)
A few meaningful memories or stories
Reflections on what the person meant to you and others
If you’re worried about repeating yourself, it may help to remember that the obituary and the eulogy are usually experienced in very different ways. One is read quietly, often alone. The other is heard collectively, in a shared moment of remembrance.
Using similar wording in both is not a mistake — it’s often a sign that the same truths are being expressed in different forms. What matters most is that the spoken words feel natural to say, and true to the person you’re honouring.
🕊️ Need Help Writing an Obituary?
Writing an obituary often feels like the first practical step after a loss — but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
If you’d like support, we can shape a clear, respectful obituary from the details you share, written with care and ready to use or adapt as you wish.
👉 View the Obituary Writing Service
Where Do Funeral Speeches and Memorial Speeches Fit In?
As if choosing between an obituary and a eulogy wasn’t enough, many people then find themselves wondering where funeral speeches and memorial speeches fit into all of this.
The overlapping language can make it feel more complicated than it needs to be — especially when different people, or different websites, use these terms in slightly different ways.
Funeral speeches
A funeral speech is a broad term used to describe any words spoken during a funeral service. This can include a range of contributions, depending on the family’s wishes and the structure of the service.
A funeral speech may include:
A eulogy
Readings or tributes shared by family or friends
Words spoken by a celebrant or religious leader
In many services, the eulogy is the main personal speech, but it isn’t always the only one. Some families prefer several shorter tributes, while others choose just one voice to speak on behalf of everyone.
Memorial speeches
A memorial speech is often shared at a separate memorial service or celebration of life. These gatherings may take place some time after the death, once there has been more space to process what’s happened.
Memorial speeches are often delivered:
At a later date
Without the body present
In a less formal setting
Because memorials are sometimes held weeks or months later, the tone may feel:
More reflective
Less time-pressured
Easier to write once the initial shock has softened
Some people choose to adapt words they’ve already written, while others find it easier to write something new when the moment feels right.
In practice, there is often some overlap. A memorial speech might build on a eulogy that was shared earlier, or it might be something entirely new. Some people choose to say similar things again, while others focus on different memories or themes.
There’s no requirement to start from scratch each time, and no expectation to avoid repeating what matters most. Each setting simply offers a different space to remember — and you’re free to use that space in the way that feels most natural to you.
Do You Need to Write All of These?
It’s worth pausing here, because many people carry an unspoken worry that they’re expected to write everything after a death — and to do so quickly and well.
That might include:
An obituary
A eulogy
A funeral speech
A memorial speech
The truth is, you don’t need to write all of these. And you certainly don’t need to write them all at once.
Some families choose to publish an obituary and nothing more. Others share a short spoken tribute instead of a formal eulogy. Some wait and hold a memorial later, once life has slowed enough to make space for reflection.
None of these choices are wrong. They are simply different ways of responding to loss.
What often matters most is not the number of pieces written, but whether what is written feels manageable and honest. It’s okay to focus on one thing at a time — or to decide that one piece is enough for now.
You’re also allowed to change your mind. What feels like all you can manage in the first days or weeks may not be what you want later, and that’s perfectly natural.
There’s no checklist you’re failing to complete, and no obligation to perform grief in a particular way. You’re allowed to take this at your own pace, and to choose only the steps that feel right for you.
Why Writing These Pieces Can Feel So Different
Even when an obituary, a eulogy, and a speech are all about the same person, they can feel very different to write. Many people are surprised by this — and then quietly wonder why one feels manageable while another feels almost impossible.
Part of the reason is that each piece asks something different of you.
An obituary often asks for clarity and accuracy. It focuses on facts, relationships, and practical details. For some people, that kind of structure feels containing, especially early on, when emotions are still raw.
A eulogy or personal speech asks for something else entirely. It invites reflection, memory, and meaning. It asks you to choose what to share, and — for many — to imagine speaking those words aloud in front of others. That can feel exposing, even if the words themselves are simple.
It’s also common to find that your feelings shift as you write. What starts as a practical task can stir memories you weren’t expecting. Or a piece you thought would be emotional may feel strangely calm. None of this means you’re doing it wrong.
Writing during grief isn’t a straight line. Some days the words come easily; other days they don’t come at all. That variation is part of the process, not a sign of failure.
If one piece feels harder than another, it doesn’t reflect how much you cared. It simply reflects where you are right now — and that’s allowed to change.
A Common (and Gentle) Writing Path Many People Take
While there’s no single right way to approach this, many people find it helpful to follow a path that feels practical first, and more reflective later.
That path might look something like this:
An obituary, written early on to share the necessary details and inform others
Private notes or memories, written without structure, simply to capture thoughts as they arise
A eulogy or personal speech, shaped later, when there’s a little more space to reflect
For some, starting with facts provides a sense of grounding. For others, jotting down memories privately feels safer than trying to shape them into something public straight away.
There’s no requirement to follow this order exactly. Some people begin with memories and shape both an obituary and a eulogy from the same material. Others write only one piece, or return to writing weeks or months later.
What matters most is that you’re allowed to begin without knowing where you’ll end up. The first words don’t have to be the final ones.
When Getting Support Can Make Things Easier
Many people hesitate to ask for help with writing after a loss, because the words feel deeply personal. It’s common to worry that accepting support means giving up control, or that someone else might take over what feels like your responsibility.
Support doesn’t have to work that way.
For many families, help simply means having someone gently shape what they’ve already written, offer reassurance that they’re on the right track, or help turn scattered notes into something structured and clear.
Some people choose support at the obituary stage, because it feels practical and time-sensitive. Others wait until they’re working on a eulogy or memorial speech, when the emotional weight feels heavier. There’s no “better” moment — only the moment that feels right for you.
Accepting guidance doesn’t take the words away from you. Your voice, your memories, and your meaning remain at the centre. Support is there to reduce the load, not replace your intention.
If and when you decide to ask for help, it can be a way of caring for yourself as well as for the person you’re honouring.
🕊️ Support with Writing a Eulogy or Tribute
If you’re finding it hard to shape your thoughts into something structured, our Tribute Draft and Tribute Feedback services are here to support you.
Whether you’d like a full first draft shaped from your memories, ready for you to personalise, or thoughtful feedback on what you’ve already written, we help you find the right words — your way.
👉 Explore Tribute Drafts
👉 Explore Tribute Feedback and Support
Taking This at Your Own Pace
If you’ve arrived here unsure which piece you’re meant to be writing, let this be the takeaway:
You’re not behind
You’re not missing something obvious
You don’t need to do everything today
Whether you’re starting with an obituary, preparing a eulogy, or simply gathering your thoughts, there is room to move slowly.
The right words don’t arrive all at once — they’re shaped over time.
And support is here if and when you need it.
Frequently Asked Questions
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The difference between an obituary and a eulogy is mainly purpose and format. An obituary is a written notice that shares factual information about a person’s death and life, often published online or in print.
A eulogy is a spoken tribute, usually read at a funeral or memorial service, that reflects on memories, character, and meaning. In simple terms, an obituary informs, while a eulogy remembers.
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In many cases, an obituary comes before a eulogy, as it may be needed quickly to share funeral details. A eulogy often follows later, once there is more emotional space to reflect. However, there is no fixed order — some people write a eulogy first, and others only write one or the other. What matters is choosing the timing that feels right for you.
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An obituary can sometimes be used as the basis for a eulogy, but it usually needs adapting. Obituaries are written for reading and often focus on facts, while eulogies are written for listening and tend to be more personal. Many families reuse key details from an obituary and then reshape the wording into a spoken eulogy that feels natural to say aloud.
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No — you do not need both an obituary and a eulogy. Some families choose to write only an obituary, others share a eulogy or funeral speech, and some do both. There is no requirement to write everything. The right choice is simply the one that feels manageable and appropriate for your situation.
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What is read at a funeral can vary. Many services include a eulogy, along with readings, poems, prayers, or words spoken by a celebrant or religious leader. Some funerals include several short tributes instead of one formal speech, while others may not include a eulogy at all.
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A eulogy is a type of funeral speech, but the terms are not exactly the same. “Funeral speech” is a broader term that can include eulogies, readings, or spoken tributes shared during the service. The eulogy is usually the main personal speech, but it is not the only form a funeral speech can take.
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Yes, you can reuse wording between an obituary and a eulogy or funeral speech. This is very common and completely acceptable. Obituaries are usually read, while speeches are heard aloud, so similar wording often feels reassuring rather than repetitive. Reusing language can also help maintain consistency in how someone is remembered.
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Yes, it is absolutely okay not to write a eulogy. Writing or delivering a eulogy is a personal choice, not an obligation. Some people prefer to contribute in other ways, share memories privately, or not speak at all.
For others, a short memorial tribute or a written elegy poem can feel like a gentler way to honour someone — offering space for reflection without the pressure of a full speech or public delivery.
There is no single “right” way to remember someone. What matters most is choosing an expression of remembrance that feels manageable, meaningful, and true to you.
